Blogging is something I always return to. When thinking of what career I would like, what business I want to build, what I could start right now, without any further training or education…it’s blogging.
It’s been this way for five years or so. I’ve probably started around three or four blogs. And when I say started, I mean get all excited, set it up, publish two posts, then shrivel up with fear and delete it after six months of inaction.
This blog, Roseanne Writes is the longest any of my blogging efforts have lasted. It’s been almost one year since I purchased the domain name, and started posting.
While I didn’t completely shrivel up with fear and delete everything, I did retreat somewhat, go two months at a time without posting, doubt myself, consider deleting, and berate myself for once again running away.
But while I doubted the content of the other blogs I tried to start, I have never doubted that I am passionate about writing on motherhood and vegan topics. They are two areas I am experienced in, intensely passionate about, would love to share, and help other people with.
Where I trip up is my own confidence and self-esteem. My little fearful voice would say I wasn’t an expert, I didn’t know what I was doing myself, so how could I possibly help others? I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t creative enough. It wouldn’t work and I was just setting myself up for disappointment. These are nothing but sneaky little lies my subconscious tells myself when doubt starts to creep in.
My self care and mental health has definitely taken a hit since I became a mother. But now, more than ever, I need to look after myself, be kind to myself, and build myself up. I have to respect my desire to write, and carve out time for myself.
I realise as more time passes - my blog sits inactive, I continue to day dream of working for myself, being in control of my own time, being there for my daughter more - that the fear of it not working out will never disappear.
There will always be doubt, and worry, but it’s how I let this affect me that matters. I can let it eat me alive, push me into writers block and feeling inadequate, or, I can hear my fears, quietly assure myself I am capable and creative and passionate, and trust that my constant desire to write is driving me somewhere important.